Y Thursday, May 25, 2006Y
7:25 AM
A bad day today really. Somehow i just felt so vexed up inside.. to the point i told weijing i felt like killing someone. If singapore had not had the death penalty for murder, i would really find someone to kill.Sth unhappy happened at home. And i really do understand how being parents is such a difficult task. And i have really tried to help them out the best i can.. Here, i want to say sorry to my mum. I didnt know that incident would have such a great impact on her. Im really pissed at someone in my family. It's like the whole family is compromising him. Yet he doesnt appreciate it. He doesnt know the difficulty that my mum and dad is going through, and he just takes it for granted. Being my elder brother, he doesnt set a good role model, at least this is how i feel. At times, he can be good, but most of the time, he is more of a devil than an angel. He wants to study, my parents agreed, despite the really huge money they have to spent. From young, he will always get the best of things, and i always have to take the things he doesnt want anymore. But i never did grumbled. I grew up, buying most of the things with my own money, not asking for money from my parents, because i dont want to add on to their burden. I knew they had to pay for the expensive fees of my bro's studies, so i took the initiative to cut down on my pocket money. But does he really appreciate the efforts that the whole family has put in for him? Some times i really do wonder, if he ever felt sorry.
Very sad now.
These few days, got the feeling again. Sweet. Yet a tinge of sadness...
Suddenly, i thought of sth..
-X looking at me when im studying.
-X telling me to smile.
-X putting his arms around my neck and asking me if i want money or life.
-X talking to me on the phone.
-X waiting for me always after my tuition.
-X lending me his tie and then got punished himself.
-X always preparing tissues for me.
-X always pressing my nose whenever we walked past a garage.
-X playing at the arcade.
-playing basketball with X.
-X giving me roses.
-X holding my hands.
-X always sending me a goodnight msg.
-X always pretending to be angry when i put the devil handsign on his head.
-admiring the sea and merlion together.
-Laughing like nobody's business together.
-Talking bad about others.
I dont know why, but somehow i just have this feeling, the person unknown. Is it....? Ah, crap.