Y Saturday, March 18, 2006Y
8:22 AM
The more i think of it, the more i feel so unhappy.. Sometimes i dont quite like my tuition teacher.. he does things which i hate most- that is to compare ppl, and condemn ppl. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Arrrrrh. The thought of it just makes me boil. You know what he said during phy tuition on fri.. Just because i was unable to do one qn, and he told me this, "You should try harder next time.. You know if you just wait for the answer you are copying, you are not learning. We value quality, not the speed. You know you are just copying, not learning..." And then feeling a little unhappy, i told him that it's nt because i did nt try, but because i misunderstood the terms.. and fortunately he did not say anything, if not i shall show him my black face. I was pissed, not because of what he said, but because i feel that he has been very bias, it's like at least i do bother to do my work lor.. unlike jiahui. (Jiahui, i do not mean to say you.. as in i want to say out my point..) But he did nt say jiahui, but say me instead. What is this. I dont like it. That's once. Another evidence that he was bias was that whenever i was unable to solve a problem, he would say that jiahui would definitely solve it, despite her not being to solve it either. And when she was unable to solve another qn, he did not say that i can definitely solve it.. bias or what? To me, i strongly felt so.. It really made me very angry and unhappy at that time.. because he wasn't like this last year.. it's all because of the phy promo results. Just because jiahui did better, he condemn me, and gave the conclusion that im the weaker one. And he kept using the promo results to compare us. COMPARE. I hate ppl comparing me with others. It's all rubbish. I do not feel that im the weaker one. It's just that whenever im in the examination hall, i tend to lose concentration easily. I put in so much effort for every exam, but what do i get in return? I strongly believe that i put in more effort than her, but in the end, it did not turn out to be the way i had expected. What is wrong? Till now, i still cant figure it out.
Everytime i go for tuition, the teacher and my partner made me feel so inferior. And i dont like it. I dont like the feeling of being looked down upon. I dont like the feeling of being the weaker one. Because i know in my heart IM NOT. I CAN DO AS WELL.
Because of this, i learnt to be strong. I promised myself that i shall not let ppl look down on me. I will do well. I will do as well. There is this target in me which i have set. And i will do it.